it's my bestfriend's wedding day

Today is a very special day for my bestfriend, Earl Rogelio for
he is now exchanging vows to his lifetime partner, Roxanne.

He used to be my "bestfriend" for quite a long time but when we have already separated ways, we we're no longer in good terms. I tried to reach out for him but to no avail. He didn't even bother to accept my friend's request so for the last time I did took the courage again to greet him and his wife, Roxanne, on their very special day.

Truly, God is the best match maker. Even before I knew in my heart that our relationship won't last and I even told him that Roxanne will be his girlfriend and will be his wife soon and I was not mistaken, it did come true. I'm very happy for them.

To Earl and Roxanne, though it may be 0.01% percent you'll pass by this blog, I want you to know that I'm really blessed and happy for the both of you. Now that you are no longer two but one with the new level of love and commitment, I pray that God will always be the center of your relationship. May God continue to enrich your lives as you keep on being a blessing to others. God bless you more and more.

God bless Earl and Roxanne. Mabuhay ang bagong kasal!

final verdict

today I've felt a mixed of disappointed but highly motivated.

I''ve finally received my final verdict - final performance evaluation and it was not really good. I've failed the expectations of being a developer and as a result I will not be included for any salary adjustments. As I was walking home, these things keep lingering on my mind. At first, I was saddened and reflect on how I became like these. What's happening to me? Am I losing the confidence? I can still remember those times that I can speak at the top of my voice to the CEO of the company of which I am employed just because of his project mismanagement. And now, here I am, I am wearing the same shoes. I was not reprimanded, the final decision was delivered very well by my manager/team leader. I've felt I wanna melt down like wax or an ice cream under the scorching heat of the noonday sun, but unfortunately I was not.

Thank God He is the real source of strength, joy and peace. I know He is speaking a lot to me regarding my career development. It's high time for me to sit down, read books, practice programming, memorize and internalize on programming technicalities. Gone were the time that I became complacent, coming to office with one single code on my hand, with simple "select; MySQL statement" and with 'model-one' approach on coding.

I've realized time has past by, I can no longer bring back the time. All I have is the present because I cannot take hold of the future I don't know what could happen then, I can't even own it. Only God can. Now what I have to do is to find myself excelling on every area of my endeavor.

Here is my short-term goals:

1. finish SS exam until friday this week.

2. learn jquery and practice it in 1 week

3. learn silverstripe: advanced level in 2 weeks

4. learn programming design & patterns (e.g factory pattern)

How about the long term goals:

1. enroll at informatics about PHP and MySQL (Target Feb 2012)

2. enroll and passed the PHP Proficiency Exam (Target: December 2013)

"Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding." - Proverbs 4:7

over a cup of coffee

it's been so long since my last post, hehehe. really get tired in updating my blog, actually no time at all.

i just wrote today to share a friend's poem. here it goes:

"There are things better left unsaid

As flowers bloom in season

But they say, God is not time-bounded

And He has His own reason.

There are things better left undone

Like our bed as we rise and shine

But they say, one must know

God's signal Yes or No but wait is fine.

There are things better left unanswered

Like a question tattooed on our face

But they say, our thoughts are not like the Father's

And we tend not to see His grace.

There are better things that we know Unsaid, unanswered, undone

But God says, watch as I overflow My grace to you My son. "

----

the last step of journey

Today, I received a call from MicroSourcing @3PM informing me that I was privileged to fill up the position I am applying for. I was so silent in a few seconds, wasn't able to speak up a word, wasn't able to answer the floating question that Sir Paulo has given me which is about the status of my application with other companies.

I've been through a rigid screening from english exam down to the profile interview, technical interview with Sir Mark with a score of 18/20 and a final interview with the client - Daniel and Matthias. At last, God allowed me and have given me the strength to surpass them all. Again, I believe if it wasn't the will of God for me at this company I won't be able to pass each stage.

I was informed today that before my final employment, I had to pass my medical exam plus some background checking. While seating at the couch at the company's lobby, I am praying to God asking Him to give me a favor not to have the background checking. It was too hard for me to admit that I was terminated due to some false accusations that I wasn't able to defend myself due to financial shortcomings. All I ask the Lord, "Lord if it is your will for me to be employed here then spare me from background checking." and it was. Before I left the office, I was advised by Sir Paulo - the MicroSourcing Outsourcing Talent Specialist, that normally an employee should have passed the medical exam and background checking before any formal employment. But for this account, Web Guide Partner, they are not concerned with the background checking...whowww... praise God. I smiled in my heart and while walking back home I was praising God- thanking Him on how He have orchestrated everything.

If I pass the medical exam, I believe that it is the will of God. Again, my faith will be tested. If I win then it is for me. Lord, I know wherever you landed my feet, it is the best place I could ever be. I love You Lord. I give you back all the glory, honor and praise.... Hallelujah....

Dr. Jose Rizal - isang tunay na bayani

Sa araw na ito ay holiday sa Pilipinas dahil ating ipinagdiriwang ang kaarawan ng ating dakila at pambansang bayani si Dr. Jose Potenciano Rizal. Nawa'y hindi lang natin basta idaos at ipagkasiya ang araw na ito kundi ating panatilihin ang pagbibigay halaga sa kanyang mga naging sakripisyo para sa kalayaan ng ating bansa.

"Sisikapin kong maging isang tunay na Pilipino, sa isip, sa salita at sa gawa." hango sa Panatang Makabayan.

Nawa saan man ako idako ng Panginoon, dito man o sa ibang bayan, manatiling buhay ang aking pagiging isang tunay na Pilipino "sa isip, sa salita at sa gawa". God bless the Philippines!

I'm still standing

Yes, I'm still standing - standing by the grace of God. I'll keep sowing because I believe God will make it grow. Thank you Lord for a new job.

watch me

Tomorrow is another big day for me because I will be interviewed and have my examination for a new job. I should let go of the fear and start to believe in God and in myself that I can do it. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 and that is part of my meditation today.

It is my prayer that I won't be discouraged tomorrow Lord. I know I am good just like the way you look at me. I can do this through your help. I'll just give my best and thank You Lord that You'll take care of the rest.

Till my next post...

may ilaw pala

Minsan di ko na na-appreciate ung mga bagay na nasa paligid ko. siguro kasi madalas ko sila makita at andyan lang sila talaga. nuong meron pa akong work, minsan umuwi ako ng bahay. nakita ko ang daming binili ng asawa ko na mga ilaw. nagalit ako sabi ko dahil ang daming gastos. kung ano-ano ang binili. pero ngayon na nandito ako sa bahay, na-appreciate ko ung ilaw na binili niya. ang ganda pala lalo na pag naglaptop ka ang linaw ng tingin. kitang- kita ko ang mga tinatype ko.

Salamat sa Lord dahil unti-unti niyang binabago ang buhay ko dito sa bahay. 2 months na rin akong walang work pero meron pala inaayos ang Lord sa puso ko. ano pa kaya ang aayusin niya? nakakatuwa naman Siya, siguro hinahanda Niya ako para sa isang mas malaking blessing. salamat sa iyo Panginoon.

Inaantok na ako pero pilitin ko pa maaral ung XML para bukas application na lang. Salamat Lord nakakabalik na ako sa programming.

looking for a job (part 2)

I' m getting better in my recovery.... Yehey... I asked the Lord why it's taking so long for me to get a new job only to find out that I was not that prepared. One of the employers whom I have applied sent me an email for the copy of my exam. He hand to me the instructions and as I am reading it I asked myself, "What if these questions or this exam was given to me during my job interview? Can I answer it?" I don't think I can. I have forgotten the programming because the latest job that I have is not more on programming but it is more on managing people. I thank God I was not put to shame - thank You Lord.

Now I know I need to get back on reviewing my programming lessons. I need to prepare just like an athlete. It takes time to prepare but its worth paying the cost. Really, God knows what is best.

I am going to market today to buy some stuff. Later, I'll continue studying AJAX and XML. Then next would be PHP. Then after VLS (Vacation Learning School) at church, I am now ready to land on my new job.

I have recalled the life of Job and I find it similar to what is happening to me right now. Job 1: 21 "and said, 'Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised."

looking for a job

Lord tulungan mo ako makahanap ng work. Napapagod na ako, lahat ng inaplyan ko walang reply. I keep on researching jobs but their job specifications is higher than I do have. What will I do Lord? Im tired, exhausted and needy... I need money Lord. Please help me.

ang blog salamt may blog

tanging itong blog na ito ang saksi sa lahat ng sama ng loob ko. narito nakasulat kung sino ako, what concerns me, even my limitations - ung mga super weaknesses ko.

ngayon, ito ang nararamdaman ko:
1. galit ako sa mundo, feeling ko kasi wala na akong pagasa
2. galit ako sa mga in-laws ko dahil wala silang pakialam imbis na makatulong sila pa ung number 1 na nangaapi i dont feel like i belong to this family, do i exist? maybe not. am i important? important what's that?
3. galit ako sa mga taong nangiinis sa akin walang magawa kungdi ang manginis at manginis, so ganun.... ikaw na... di ka magpatalo.

i dont know how would i recover.... siguro in time.

small room

why do i need to compress myself into a very small room? i need comfort daddy. i'm not asking for anything big i just need some extra space to put the refrigerator, washing maching, dining tables and food trolly. is it too majestic to ask for? is it too big to request for?

"i can't settle for anything less", yes thats true.

i know i deserve something better. wish that my life is just like a fairy tale. but it wasn't.

sometimes i came to this point, complaining of our small room in bonifacio's compound. wondering if i was really a part of this big family. am i really that important? were all my views seems to be considerate? do i really exist? i do not know

i am uncertain of what will happen after 10 years of paying the Php 6000 rental of a very small room. i miss our space in parkhomes, tunasan with 2 bedrooms, 1 large receiving area, 1 kitchen, 1 toilet and bathroom and 10 steps balcony. Lord is our stay here with my inlaws wrong? is it wrong? tell me.... i am renting... but i dont deserve the worth of my rent.

Lord help me, make me victorious over this matter.

after the rain...

after the rain...
comes rainbow displayed in the blue sky arrayed in all of its shining and beautiful colors.... this is what i feel, i wanna shout, i wanna celebrate, i wanna bring back to my normal life....

it was on march 24 @9AM when its the very first time I have experienced being interrogated by an attorney. I was interviewed in an administrative hearing for the false accusations and purely allegations. It so much hurt on my side because with good faith I have performed well in my job, I may not be perfect but I tried to be one but at the end I was in front of an attorney explaining myself for no cause.

almost 6 days of no apetite as if food just want to follow the flow, eating without taste, drinking without quenching the thirst, sleeping but not resting.... it's so hard, it's so fearing, it's so disappointing, it's so humiliating.... how i wish i was never ever ever in my life that it did happen to me. but on top of all this, God is still to be praised.

i've read a book "When Crisis Hits You: Tasting God's Goodness In Bitter Times" while waiting for my friends to arrive at meeting place. it touches my heart with this line "nothing happens at random or by chance. nothing is without purpose. we may not know the purpose of our suffering now but not knowing the purpose does not mean there isn't any. however difficult life may be, faith requires that we stay loyal to God even in the midst of our pain." All I can say Lord, I'm laying all these things to You, take full control.

As I am sitting on a bench at Trinoma, I am looking at the blue sky while singing "To God be the glory, to God be the glory, to God be the glory for the things he has done...." I was so deeply moved by the Holy Spirit during those times and I was even crying while a lot of people were noticing my tears are beginning to fall on my face. I said to myself, "I don't care, you don't know how much I was hurting earlier but now I am rejoicing because my Lord and King have saved me and restored me back again...." These sweet words keep lingering on my mind, these words strike my heart, awakens me and deepens my relationship to Jesus.

Truly, God knows what's best for us. He knows the start until the end. If only I learned to completely entrust to Him everything even if I don't see things clearly as the way I wanted to be let this phrase ablaze in me... "Lord let my heart be still and quiet - to be near you even after the rain..."

Prov 10:3

"The Lord does not let the righteous go hungry but he thwarts the craving of the wicked." - Proverbs 10:3

Even the food, basic need ng tao, i-po-provide ng Lord how much more ung iba nating pangangailangan. Lord thank you sobra sobra ang pagmamahal mo sa akin at sa lahat ng iyong nilalang.

I love this verse Lord, and panghahawakan ito until eternity because I know you will prove it to me all the days of my life.

A Test of Faith

Lord, I am telling you honestly I don't like this feeling - feeling of being betrayed by a friend.
Help me to focus on You and not on the problem; to see how You have sustained us during the tough times I have before. I know and believe that You will keep your promise.

thank You Lord, I love You Jesus.