final verdict

today I've felt a mixed of disappointed but highly motivated.

I''ve finally received my final verdict - final performance evaluation and it was not really good. I've failed the expectations of being a developer and as a result I will not be included for any salary adjustments. As I was walking home, these things keep lingering on my mind. At first, I was saddened and reflect on how I became like these. What's happening to me? Am I losing the confidence? I can still remember those times that I can speak at the top of my voice to the CEO of the company of which I am employed just because of his project mismanagement. And now, here I am, I am wearing the same shoes. I was not reprimanded, the final decision was delivered very well by my manager/team leader. I've felt I wanna melt down like wax or an ice cream under the scorching heat of the noonday sun, but unfortunately I was not.

Thank God He is the real source of strength, joy and peace. I know He is speaking a lot to me regarding my career development. It's high time for me to sit down, read books, practice programming, memorize and internalize on programming technicalities. Gone were the time that I became complacent, coming to office with one single code on my hand, with simple "select; MySQL statement" and with 'model-one' approach on coding.

I've realized time has past by, I can no longer bring back the time. All I have is the present because I cannot take hold of the future I don't know what could happen then, I can't even own it. Only God can. Now what I have to do is to find myself excelling on every area of my endeavor.

Here is my short-term goals:

1. finish SS exam until friday this week.

2. learn jquery and practice it in 1 week

3. learn silverstripe: advanced level in 2 weeks

4. learn programming design & patterns (e.g factory pattern)

How about the long term goals:

1. enroll at informatics about PHP and MySQL (Target Feb 2012)

2. enroll and passed the PHP Proficiency Exam (Target: December 2013)

"Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding." - Proverbs 4:7